Sickness is a general and vague language. To say, "I am sick," is a statement I choose not to use to describe what I am going through at the moment. I am going through a struggle. A struggle is a storm that eventually passes, but you have to ride it out the best you can so you don't get capsized by the relentless waves crashing down on you. Just when you think you can't take anymore, another will hit you, and hit you again until you feel as though it will never stop. It is in this moment when you will decide to hang on and fight, or simply give up and let the sea take you. I will not slip into the dark waters of the sea. I am a fighter.
In June 2013, I got two little scratches on the sides of my nose. No big deal right? That was my initial thought. Though, after a month the scratches on my nose were not healing. To my frustration, I thought that maybe I was not tending my wounds correctly so everyday I was researching ways to take care of superficial wounds. I was doing everything correctly. My husband became very adamant on taking me to see the doctor. I ignored his requests, thinking that it was nothing that an antiseptic wash, polysporin, and a clean bandage couldn't take care of. It wasn't until I started to develop blisters on my body did I start to become worried and to my husband's relief, I finally went to the doctor.
Beginning of August, I seen my first doctor. She took one look at me and told me I had a staph infection. "Take these antibiotics, 4 times a day. Everything will clean up," She took a culture swab test from one of the blisters that had opened up. I was in and out of the doctors office within 10 minutes. I was relieved, my nose was going to heal and I was going to be okay.
A week later I was back. The antibiotics didn't work. I seen a different doctor. This time she looked at me and said, "You have a immune disorder! Something is happening in your body, and your body can't fight it off." She seemed worried and rather annoyed that the first doctor did not take more time to examine me properly. She sent a referral to see the dermatologist, Dr.Yu. I was pleased with this because I had seen Dr.Yu before and he is extremely hard to see, there was a six month wait period to see him. I guess whatever the doctor seen that day caused her to really push the referral because I was in Dr.Yu's office the next morning.
The first thing Dr.Yu thought I had was impetigo, a very contagious skin infection. He gave me an antibiotic cream and antibiotics. I was also told to have a bleach bath for seven days in row to sterilize my skin. He took a couple of chunks of skin off my arm for a biopsy report.
"Don't worry, we'll get you better," he would say and he would always want to see me within four to five days to see how I was progressing.
Each time I came back, there was little to no improvement. The sores were now all over my body. They were in my mouth, in my nose, on my thighs, on my hands, on my chest, and my stomach. He said that he was certain that it was my own immune system that was attacking me. The cells in my skin were attacking each other which was causing the epidermis to separate from the dermis layer. He gave me new medication. 14 pills a day was my prescription. "I want to see you in a week, this new medication will help you improve significantly in the next few days. Don't worry, we're going to get you better."
The last time I seen Dr.Yu he came into the office looking deflated. There was little improvement to my condition. "The biopsy report came back. It's not what I thought it was, I don't know what is happening to you. I will call you in a week when the other biopsy comes back. Here is some other antibiotics, just so we can stay on top of this thing." That would make it 16 pills a day, an anti-fungal mouthwash, and an antibiotic cream.
I left his office feeling uncertain that I was going to get any better.
Since seeing Dr.Yu things have been getting worse. The medication hasn't seem to be doing anything to make things different, and the pain level has increased significantly. It has been hard to go anywhere for too long, and each morning I would wake up with my clothes stuck to my wounds, causing them to rip open each morning. I have been to the emergency room a few times and each time I am sent home without any new answers or any help. It has been frustrating and emotionally draining. I have spent days crying and feeling helpless. Not knowing what is happening to you or why you can't get better takes a toll on your mental and emotional well being.
As of right now, there is nothing I can do but take the medication and try to keep my spirits up. This is where this blog comes in. This is my struggle right now. I am not going to allow myself to wallow in self pity. I can't allow myself to give up and let this take over my life.
My challenge is to stay positive. I'm calling it, "The Positive Polly Challenge." 30 days of being positive. I will document this journey, this struggle, and this challenge. This is not to change anyone's life or to be a hero. This blog is for me. To inspire myself, to make my spirit strong.
"Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings."
Elie Weisel
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