Gratitude.
I can't remember the last time I was filled with gratitude. It is easy to be thankful,to say thanks, to give thanks. I can count the blessing in my life very easily and give thanks to the creator and my ancestors for the gifts in my life. To acknowledge gratitude is to give thanks and to be thankful for the things you have in your life. To be filled with gratitude is a feeling that runs much deeper. If happiness were a house, gratitude would be the foundation that the house is built upon. Without gratitude, the most beautiful house can fall to pieces. It may be a cheesy analogy, but hey, it's mine.
As I said before, I can't remember the last time I was filled with gratitude. I think I've had glimpses of it before, or at least I've felt what it was like to be truly grateful. The best way I can describe it is when you go some place new, someplace you've never been before and you find that one spot, that one moment when everything is perfect. Everything about that place overwhelms your senses and you try with all your might to take everything in. You think to yourself that if you just allow yourself to stay in this moment, to be perfectly still, that maybe you can become a part of it and maybe, just maybe you can take away a small part of this unimaginable moment, to have forever.
When Michael and I went away to Mexico last year for our honeymoon, we woke up early one morning to watch the sunrise over the ocean. The dawn is the most peaceful part of the day. The sky was the lightest blue, waiting for the citrus sun to paint golden light onto its canvas. Everything is quiet, and still. The waves caressed the shoreline, rather than crashing down on the sand. The wind and the trees collaborate a comforting hymn.
Yes, I would have to say that the dawn is the most magical part of the day. The dreamers are yet to wake, the birds have yet to sing their morning songs. It's as if the world is in a hush, and all you have to do is close your eyes and breathe in the serenity of what it truly means to be alive. Then slowly, like the curtain pulling away at the stage, you see the light. The gold sparkles over the ocean, glistening with warmth. The sun starts to ascend, rising over the water, it's rays reaching the clouds, lighting them with an angelic glow. I felt so many things all at once. I felt calm. I felt peace. I felt alive. I felt beauty. I felt love.
I closed my eyes in that moment, and I breathed in the longest, deepest breath,(if any of you have had this kind of moment you know what kind of breath I am talking about. You are literally breathing in the moment) and I said, "Thank you Creator. Thank you for this beautiful moment, for allowing me to be right here, right now." It was absolute perfection. Until today, that was the closest that I've been to being filled with gratitude.
Today I didn't rise to watch the sun come over the ocean. Today was a regular day, but it has been the best day of my life. The reason why it's been the best is because nothing extraordinary had to happen for me to feel like I did that morning in Mexico.
This morning was exact opposite of that morning in Mexico. I woke up sore, pulling my wounds that were stuck to my clothes. I dragged my feet to the shower, washing my stinging sores with antibacterial soap. Then I spent the next hour carefully drying and then bandaging my body for the day. There were, however, many moments of me breathing in with my eyes closed, instead of saying a prayer of thanks, I was saying "ouch!"
It's funny when you get use to certain types of pain, you start to invent new creative ways to say, "ow." Sometimes I just make up songs while I put on my bandages, or when my skin feels like it's burning.
"Ow, that hurt, that hurt. That really effin hurt.
Now I'll put this bandage on because my skin feels like its burnt, its burnt."
I've been in a constant state of gratitude today. Even with the sores, the pain and the discomfort. I'm happy. I found myself saying prayers of gratitude through out the day, or even just saying it out loud. "I'm grateful for being able to walk today."
There are many things that I could have dwelled upon today, things that I could have let get me down. Today, they just didn't seem to matter. I found so many good things in my life today. I could walk today. I went and had lunch with my baby sister. I went grocery shopping with my husband. I laughed today. A little girl grabbed my arm and said "hi." Random strangers smiled at me. I went for a walk with my dogs.
Being grateful doesn't mean you give thanks when good things come your way, it's seeing all the small wonderful things that you live each day. It's seeing that even though the negative things are still there, its not ALL thats there. Its about finally seeing things that you overlook each and every day. It's about acknowledging the things we take for granted each day, like walking! I am so happy to be able to walk!
Gratitude. It sounds simple, but unfortunately in our day of age, it takes work.
This is me. Smiling through the shadows!
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