A WEEK HAS PAST...
I can't believe a week has past since I started this emotional healing journey. A week filled with laughter, anger, tears, confusion, hope, doubt, faith, and determination. An emotional roller coaster some may choose to describe it. I would describe it as a brush fire.
My mushum(grandfather in cree), would light a brush fire each spring. He would burn the grass right down to the ground, leaving a smoldering, black looking yard when he was done. Our land on the reserve always looked so ugly each spring, as if the people driving by on the highway would think that after the snow melts on the reserve, all that is left is black soot. This is what he called 'spring cleaning.'
"You have to maintain the ground, " he would say pointing his finger in such a way to emphasize what he was saying.
"Yep. You gotta get rid of all that dead stuff ya see?"
I would always just smile and nod. Two weeks later our grass was the greenest, it grew the fastest and our yard was one of the best yards on the reserve.
"All that dead stuff has gotta go. So the new seeds can come up. You gotta take care of the land, so it can take care of you."
A brush fire. That is how I describe this week. I am burning away all the dead stuff inside me. Cleaning my mind, body and spirit so I can plant new seeds. I feel different, and I see things differently. The biggest thing I notice is how calm and content I am. Yes, I've had my moments of being frustrated and upset but I don't feel hopeless anymore.
My friends and family have noticed how much I have changed and their affirmation has led me to keep moving on. I believe that success and happiness cannot come from one person alone. It is in part because of the people you choose to surround yourself with. They are part of your success, and they become a part of your happiness. There are people that you meet in your life that share the same struggles as you, and the inspiration and support you give each other helps in the way you choose to see your life, and your situation.
In class today we did a ten minute session of art therapy. Our assignment is to draw a picture of something significant that has happened to you in your life. Then to share it with the class. This is what I drew...
This is the road I am traveling on right now, for whatever reason or lesson I am to learn from this 'disease' is unknown at the moment, but it is what I choose to accept as a journey.
One side of the road is absolute destruction. The storm ripped through, flattening the trees and flooding the soil. It took everything that I knew, twisted it up and spit it out.
All I ever recognized as being 'normal' or 'stable' was gone in an instant.
On the other side of the road is my light. My warmth. My spirit. My family. My friends. My heart. My strength and determination. My light pours onto my road and brightens everything, even the storm.
I am the flower that grows from the cracks. Just like nature I am resilient. I can push through things that are said to be 'set in stone.' From the darkest shadows can come something new and beautiful.
In the horizon is a broken hour glass, because I refuse to live my life on measured basis. We waste time. Have too much time. Not enough time. The right time and the wrong time. Measured time and wasted hours and minutes are said to be things that we can never get back.
I don't believe in living my life by measured time. I choose to live my life through change. Change of the seasons. Change in the stages of our lives. We are dubbed as creatures of habit, and even taught to fear change in our lives. Yet, we prove time and time again to adapt in the face of adversity. Change is what makes you grow. "Its never too late to change."
"You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant." -LIFE AS A HOUSE
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